 |
|
|
From the Election Issue (Oct 2000):
Sydney Olympics Barbie(TM) Dayle McClintock Who doesn't think of everyone's favorite blonde when they think of the athletic paragons that are the Olympians? In the spirit of competition and fun, Mattel(TM) proudly presents the 2000 Sydney Olympics Barbie(TM)! Now you too can soar on the high rings as you pose your Barbie(TM) in all sorts of uncomfortable positions that your spine could never tolerate! Sydney Olympics Barbie(TM) can play any sport! Just collect all her genuine Team USA outfits! On the floor exercise or on the balance beam, Sydney Olympics Barbie(TM) shines as America's gymnast! And unlike the representatives from other countries, Barbie (TM) knows the true meaning of sportsmanship: hide the drugs in the size triple-D sports bra! Sydney Olympics Gymnast Barbie(TM) simulates the real life shortness of most professionals with her collapsible spine! (WARNING: Sydney Olympics Gymnastics Arena Pommel (TM) may be too low for regular Barbie(TM)) Beam with pride as your Sydney Olympics Barbie(TM) shows up her Russian competitor with the stirring cry, "Take that, you medal-stealing commie bitch!" Re-create the heart-wrenching loss of the United States' women's soccer team with Sydney Olympics Barbie's(TM) Team USA uniform! Pose her in the silver medal position of the Sydney Olympics Medal Stand(TM), and Sydney Olympics Barbie(TM) immediately starts to glower with all her eleven inches of fury! Buy Sydney Olympics Reporter Ken(TM) to bring out her forced smile again! There is not a single sport that Sydney Olympics Barbie(TM) can't tackle! Watch as she goes for the gold in basketball and puts an end to the communist control of Ping-Pong with her amazing PADDLES OF DEATH(TM)! Unlike Geena Davis, Sydney Olympics Barbie(TM) made the archery team! She wrestles, she rows, she scores! Remember that name when you next go to the toy store: Sydney Olympics Barbie(TM)! You can tell the clerk, with pride, that you are buying the coolest Barbie(TM) that's ever been assembled by a child-laborer in Laos! Sydney Olympics Barbie(TM): ask for her by name! Heck, ask for her by acronym! Think about how impressed your parents will be when you tell them that your Barbie(TM) is a real S.O.B(TM)!!!
|
|
